The Philippine Drivers' Test

I would never advocate cheating, of course, but I thought I would pass on to my friends the following document, which came into my possession by means I can't divulge. It is the written portion of the Philippine driving test (the behind-the-wheel portion consists of driving home -- if you made it there alive, you passed).

The answers are marked in red, though this is just for information purposes. If you are taking the test, please do not use these answers, since that would be cheating.

Department of Transportation and Communications
Republic of the Philippines

Official Drivers' Test - 2013

1. Which side of the center line should you drive on?

• The left
• The right
• What center line?

2. What is the purpose of a sidewalk?

• A place for pedestrians to walk
• A place for motorcycles to drive
• A place for cars to park
• Whatever you damn well want to do with it

3. What should you do when pulling into a continuous stream of traffic?

• Wait for an opening, then proceed with care
• Close eyes and go, while honking horn

4. When a cop stops you, you should:

• Pull off the road at a safe spot
• Argue with him
• Ask if two hundred pesos is enough (unless you're a Kano, in which case, ask if a thousand is enough)

5. When approaching a cross street where you intend to turn, you should:

• Use turn signals
• Use hand signals
• Do whatever you damn well please

6. When turning, you should:

• Check to make sure there are no pedestrians
• Stop if there are pedestrians
• Honk horn if there are pedestrians

7. When should you stop at a red light?

• Always
• If there’s a lot of traffic coming from the side streets
• If the car in front of you has stopped, unless you can go around him

8. If two vehicles approach an intersection simultaneously, which has the right of way?

• The driver approaching from the left
• The driver approaching from the right
• The driver who’s more of a real man

9. If your horn and your brakes both go out, you should:

• Get them repaired immediately
• Get the brakes fixed
• Get horn fixed, wait until next payday (maybe) for the brakes 

10. How often should you check to see that your horn is working?

• Before starting out
• At every intersection
• Whenever you see a pretty girl
• At blind curves
• Before running a red light
• All of the above

11. At sundown you should:

• Turn on headlights to see better
• Leave headlights off to conserve gas
• Do as you damn well please

12. The purpose of the rearview mirror is:

• To help you see when it’s safe to change lanes
• To hang your rosary beads so it will always be safe to change lanes

13. What is the appropriate speed to drive?

• The speed limit posted on road signs
• The appropriate speed for road conditions, but no more than posted
• How fast can your car go?

14. When a jeepney stops in front of you to pick up passengers, you should:

• Stop, check traffic, then pass on the left
• Stop, check traffic, then pass on the right
• Honk, then do whatever you damn well please